Bathroom chats in other galaxies

Men are always intrigued by the fact that women like to go to the bathroom together. What happens in there? What are they talking about? Perhaps it’s not the same for men but many a wonderful heartfelt conversations actually happen in the girl’s bathroom.

Blame it on my small bladder but I often find myself in the ladies restroom no matter where I am and as a result I have had substantial life conversations in the bathroom.

From discussing relationship issues to talking about career changes and trajectories, the bathroom provides that extra privacy far way from the real “working world”.

In the bathroom, it seems safe to talk about our fears and our hopes: our present, our past, and our future. Today I was telling my coworker that my last day of work is next week and that I have enjoyed my time working as a career advisor at a university immensely. My coworker reminded me that in uncertain times better opportunities usually come our way and as cliché as it sounds, when one door closes another one opens. She told me about her own personal journey of keeping the faith, how it took longer than she expected to get where she was but how her faith and her flexibility increased as a result.

I always imagined myself to be in a secure, comfortable and established place at the ripe age of 30. Most lawyers are practical by nature and have their lives planned out. However, I am finding as my current position is coming to an end that I am once again at the juncture of self-evaluation. One of the blessings of being a career advisor is interacting with students and professionals who are in transition and/or searching for a position. Through their hopes, their fears, and their actions, I am able to see a little glimpse of some of the issues and doubts that plague all humanity and it serves as a gentle reminder for me that everything somehow will work out in the grand scheme of things.

The grand scheme of things seem to be quite elusive when you are in flux and the compass for your life’s direction does not seem to want to point to any one place in particular to help you ground your way. But if you look beyond your own life, beyond human life, beyond even our hemisphere and solar system you may realize that there is much more beyond our daily concern. My brother (a self-proclaimed nerd and Trekkie) and I, were discussing Canis Majoris, a red hyper giant star 4900 light years away and about 500,000 times bigger than our sun. It’s very existence and the possibility of parallel life forms all of a sudden diminishes the importance of whether or not one will get a paycheck this week.

I’m not sure if there are parallel life forms in other galaxies and unlike my brother I don’t spend too much time pondering over these things; but if there are, I hope that those life forms also have safe havens like the girls’ bathroom where are able to share their lives, their dreams and their hopes and fears.

Pomp & Circumstance

The tents are pitched, the chairs are aligned, the tablecloths are spread. Tomorrow is commencement here at the university I am working at and I am excited for the new graduates. Graduating from college and graduate school, one feels a glorious sense of accomplishment. All those nights studying, outlining, and fretting over exams are over! It doesn’t seem that long ago that I walked across that stage to the tune of pomp and circumstance but this weekend I will be going to my 5th year Law School Alumni Reunion and it has been eight years since I graduated with a bachelors degree. I know that many grads feel like they are on top of the world right now and with this feeling of jubilation, I welcome them to the world and recommend the following five tips:

1. Be thankful-If you are like most students, you did not do it alone. Your parents were behind you supporting you, feeding you, clothing you, hopefully not still burping you. Don’t forget to truly and sincerely thank them for all their support.

2. See the world-It doesn’t mean that you have to take some extravagant trip and no I don’t mean to take an extended Spring Break in Cancun. Expand your horizons. Seeing how other people live in other countries will provide you with a perspective of what it means to live in America.

3. Be a steward of your education-It is a privilege to attend college and graduate school. There are many countries where women are still not allowed to go to school. Use your skills and talents to do good for the world.

4. Learn financial wisdom-Gone are the days of charging your clothes and meals on your parents credit card. Part of graduating into the real world is being charged with real world responsibilities. Graduating in this economy can actually provide a great lesson: never spend more than you have and credit cards really are not your friends. Being saddled with debt is no fun. Learning to be financially savvy will provide you with the freedom to explore your passions.

5. Don’t worry if you still don’t know what to do with your life-Yes, we all have friends who know exactly what they are going to do. They have their ten year plan detailing down to the exact day of their marriage. For the rest of you, don’t worry that you don’t have that plan. Life has an interesting way of unfolding and providing opportunities. Never be fearful of taking an opportunity, especially if it’s doing something you love. Allow your life and passions to develop organically.

Congratulations on your success and achievements and remember to take a million photos!

Thank you Mami Dearest

Thank You Mami Dearest

We are reminded by every form of commercial advertising that this coming Sunday is Mother’s Day but perhaps this is truly one of those holidays that we should be hounded about because mothers are truly the backbone of our families and our society as a whole.

My mother (I call her Mami because that’s how Venezuelans say it) has always been a constant in my life. When I moved to DC, my mother was the only one from my family that I would have bi-weekly calls with. During the time I have lived apart from my mom, I always feel so appreciative of all that she does for me from the little things like giving me a wake up call (across time zones!) to making sure I’m taking care of myself and drinking soup and taking care of my skin. Now that I am living in close proximity to my mom again, it’s almost harder to appreciate her because I see her everyday and sometimes forget to thank her for all the things she does.

As I worry about growing older, I sometimes forget that my parents and my grandparents are aging with me. My maternal grandmother raised me, but now at 80 she seems frail and thin. I value the time that I get to spend with her and constantly remind myself that I should spend as much time with her as possible. Similarly with my own mother, although she is strong and vibrant and acts a youthful 59, I realized just how frail human life could be when she injured herself earlier this year and took more than a month to recover.

Yes, we are reminded to buy cards, flowers, jewelry and to take our mothers out for Mother’s Day to show her our appreciation for all that she does, whether it is worry or nurture. But I believe the best way to show appreciation of all that your mother does is to thank her by spending time with her. It is to let her know you know the sacrifices she has made, that you value her opinion, and that she has done a most excellent job.

I know my mother juggles the role of daughter, daughter-in law, mother and grandmother and it’s a challenge juggling these roles cross generations. This Mother’s Day, I want to be able to convey to my mom how grateful I am for her and say Thank You Mami Dearest!

100 days

The nation has been anxiously waiting to judge what our President has done for our country in 100 days. How has he changed us for the better? How he has improved our lives? The secret behind a successful relationship lies in its longevity and the willingness for those in the relationship to preserve through it, the willingness to work together to find common ground and to make things better for 100 days and beyond. This applies not only to our Presidential relationship to our country, but to our own individual relationships.

Many of us want to quickly make a determination about the success of our relationships in a mere 100 days or less. We aren’t getting any younger are we? But can we know how someone truly feels, can we know the depths of their heart, can we know the essence of their spirit, and can we know their commitment to us in such little time? Likewise, to look introspectively, in 100 days, can we determine how we ourselves feel about someone? Can we know their core and how they think? Are we able to say exactly how we feel about them? In 100 days, what, if any, sacrifices are we willing to make on their behalf?

I just finished watching the “Ghost of Girlfriends Past” with some friends tonight and while not laudable, the story incorporates, albeit, formulaic, the concepts of love that we all want, the undying faith, the security blanket. It is the love that we all crave, that no matter what we become, that person will always be there for us. We live in this world where we cherish the lovely notion that the story of love always ends with the kiss, or the dance, or the fade out to happily ever after.

Life doesn’t fade out. You may have the kiss and the dance, but after all that, there is still the everyday nitty gritty parts of life to live. Life is about working out the minor intricacies, the silly arguments about leaving clothing over the floor, washing dishes, whose parents to go over to for the holidays and what movie to watch on a Friday night.

The hopeful romantic in us wants everything to work out perfectly, that the magical “one” would come into our world and instantly enchant us with epic romantic gestures that will leave us satiated forever.

Alas, those in successful relationships can probably agree that in one hundred days, you may still be in the honeymoon phase of being very much in love without having to work very hard at keeping the relationship going. The harmonious nature of the beginning of the relationship draws people in. It lets them believe that it will stay like that forever if not grow to be more perfect. Real life doesn’t happen that way. The honeymoon does end. Those disagreements will occur as you won’t see eye to eye on everything and then you start to wonder, why am I in this relationship? Did I make a mistake? It is only when you realize that you are better off with than without the relationship and that it has improved your life, made you see possibilities that were not there before, and made you stronger as a person, that you realize you are willing to stay for the roller coaster ride of a relationship and that you are committed for the long haul.

Just like for a successful relationship, it is too quick to judge President Obama on 100 days of his relationship with the U.S. His approval ratings may be still incredibly high because we are all still enchanted with our President. Yes, we are in the honeymoon phase where things seem effortless to agree but there will come a time as in all relationships, when we may not see eye to eye and our faith will get tested. There will come a time when we may wonder, did we make a mistake in electing our President?

And that is the time, when we must remember, we cannot judge the success of a President in 100 days. Long after the honeymoon is over, we must be willing to recognize that we are better off with our President than we are without. Like any successful relationship, we must be willing to give it time, patience and commitment.

A'dress'ing Prom

It was almost twelve years ago around this time when my heart was aflutter hoping that I would find the perfect one, and I did. I pulled out my prom dress from the recesses of my closet, still in its pristine condition of being worn only that one night. I sincerely hope that the recipient of this almost “vintage” dress will feel as much as a princess as I did on the night I wore it.

I don’t recall if we danced, I don’t recall if we ate. I don’t recall the theme or who was queen. I don’t remember too much about my date, other than he was the starter of the varsity basketball team and I asked him to prom through his sister because I was shy and he was cute. What I can remember vividly though was my prom dress.

My best friend’s cousin, Kevin, was then a budding design student (who has now evolved into a wedding dress designer www.kevinlieu.com) working out of a community college. With a few strokes on a pad he designed three prom dresses for me to choose from and together we hopped into his little lime green Honda civic to go search for the fabric and then to use the sewing machines from his class at the community college. The initial fitting of my dress three days prior to the big day was ill-fitting and disastrous.

On prom day, I was so nervous, I had not seen or tried on the new dress and I was hoping that it would just fit. It had to fit; I had no back-up. Kevin was my fairy godmother though and delivered perfection. I slipped on the dramatically backless silver halter dress with the elegant rhinestone neckline and gorgeous train and it felt magical. I never had such a fabulously fitting dress before and I was instantly transformed from a bookishly cute teenager into a glamorous young woman for the evening.

That night, my dreams of being the most beautiful girl in the room came true. What I had envisioned in my mind came out exactly, if not better, than what I had hoped for (I only hope that my future wedding will go off as smoothly!)

Prom season is starting again and teenage girls still continue to be excited about the prospect of having that beautiful dress that will transform them for that one evening. I hope that my prom dress will go to a deserving young lady who will find it to be a perfect fit and that it will bring to her the confidence and exuberance that I felt as a young woman by wearing it for that one night.
I hope that this young lady will find in the dress that she has a fairy godmother who wants her to have her dreams come true even if it’s only for one magical evening.

I dream a dream

I wonder if humans are unique creatures alone in this world that would do anything for praise. My colleague actually confessed to me that she would probably give away her unborn child if someone praised her enough (o.k. I’m sure she didn’t mean it) but we as people certainly crave praise. There is a fundamental desire to be acclaimed and to strive for significance of whatever minutia or magnitude of importance.

I cannot fault my colleague for her honesty because deep down seeping through my veins is a thirst for acknowledgment, praise of a job well done, a decision well made. Whether it be a compliment on the purse I selected (from the male Burberry clerk who gasped, “I love your purse!” (yes, a male who would notice my purse speaks volumes in and of itself) to a colleague today telling me that I had a presence and quality about me and that I will be missed when my term here is up in less than two months.

We walk around sometimes wishing to be the diamond that is found, scraped off from a lump of coal. We may wish that someone will find favor upon us, pick us up, put us into the light and find that we are not merely what is seen on the surface, but within us at the core, is our essence.

Yesterday, I was introduced via Youtube to Susan Boyle (what was the world like before Youtube only a few years ago), who has become an overnight sensation. Over 10 million viewers have watched this clip and the number grows each day with media exposure such as CNN. From a still shot of the video, I was afraid of what I was going to encounter. Here, on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent, was an unemployed 47 year old British lady who Stacy London would undoubtedly give a free “what not to wear” makeover to in a second; a lady who was in desperate need of an Introduction to Waxing 101. Standing there in front of an audience of at least hundreds, she was already the subject of laughter and ridicule for her appearance.

She told Simon Cowell that she dreamed of being a singer and she opened her mouth to sing, I dream a dream from Les Miserables. The chuckles, the laughter instantly stopped replaced by loud and thunderous applause. Susan’s voice captured the essence of what is raw and pure light. From her appearance, as reviewing a gem, one would say she had impurities, missing the qualities of the 4C’s, the standard of beauty in gemology. But when Susan sang, the world saw past that. It saw past her awkwardness and lack of social grace and sung praise for her. Not a single person was sitting by the end of her performance. She silenced even Simon Cowell, the most cynical of all critics.

For the brevity of those minutes that she sang and spent with the judges, she received glorious praise for her voice, wonderful praise for the small town of villages she was from. But the truth is that Susan probably always had this breathtaking voice. Just that no one had ever given her the chance to show it or had bothered to stop and listen and to give her praise. For those few moments, she was able to receive the praise that she craved. All of us crave, all of us need, as much as the food and drink is the sustenance to our body.

When it comes to validation, we are the same in the need to seek validation from others. What would it matter if Susan died with her wonderful voice if she never shared it with anyone? If no one ever experienced the power of it? Susan wants to be validated not just as a singer but as a contributing individual in our society. She is no different from me or perhaps you in that way. We as a society crave praise issuing silly medallions, statutes, and certificates to satiate our appetite for it. Yet, there is nothing physical that needs to be awarded to the human spirit in order to feel a heightened sense of elation. Providing someone else jubilation is often time the only thing that we need in order to feel validated. Although loud thunderous applause from a room full of people is praise that can make anyone feel proud and joy, simple expressions of gratitude, simple compliments, pats on the back or acknowledgement of a job well done is all that we need to keep us going and to keep us strong in our daily lives sometimes.

This afternoon when my colleague ran into me on the way to the parking lot, I did not expect to hear praise from her. In fact, earlier this morning, I was feeling a bit downhearted about some of my circumstances and was spending some time pondering about it when I was pleasantly surprised by her compliment. Truthfully, we are not in the same department and we don’t work in the same office. Our interactions are brief and we see each other sporadically. But, at the end of the day, it still felt good to hear someone say that I will be missed, that I matter, and that I have made a difference in the short time that I have been here.

Susan Boyle brought out the best in us. We are all judgmental and cynical of the world but we put those emotions on pause because we feel a sudden sense of joy in knowing we can provide praise for someone who is truly gifted and probably doesn’t get a chance to hear that often.

Why are we so selective in our praise? Why don’t we make it a daily ritual to tell someone how much we appreciate them? Why can’t we laud someone for being a wonderful human being who strives to be the best that they can be and makes the world a better place for it? I watched Les Miserables on Broadway many years ago, the story is about politics, class, betrayal, but most of all, even in the song “ I dreamed a dream” it is about love, love for another human and a willingness to do something about it.

For every beautiful iconic vision of perfection like Princess Diana, there’s probably a Susan Boyle, out there. Who is more deserving of praise? Let’s strive to give praise indiscriminately for a job well done no matter who you are or no matter who it is directed at. Just like my co-worker or maybe even Susan, you will never know how much that will be appreciated that day.

Cherry Jubilee

As I sat on a plane coming back from Washington DC during Cherry Blossom Festival, I felt so grateful for a wonderful weekend in our nation’s capitol. Weekends come and go (and are often not long enough) but this past one in DC was truly a memorable one. It wasn’t memorable because I rubbed elbows with the President, or hugged a Senator and no, I didn’t get in trouble with the Secret Service. In fact, I’ve been in DC where I have seen cherry blossoms more beautiful than this weekend before. What made it a memorable weekend was something more simple: spending time with wonderful people.

When I moved to DC in January 2007, I barely knew my roommate. The city was unfamiliar and winters definitely felt like winter! It was a strange experience learning to navigate the streets, the quadrants of the city, how to ride the Metro, and how to be on myyour own. My time living in DC though was special, not just because of experiencing many firsts, it was special because I would have never met the friends that I did if I stayed in Los Angeles.

Certainly I wouldn’t have met my bff originally from Atlanta, nor would I have established a wonderful friendship with my most cherished co-worker from Montana, where we spent late nights talking about our dreams and relationships. I would not have met my Canadian friend where we would explore the city and its wonderful eats. I would never have become fast friends with a Californian who went to graduate school in Michigan and now works in DC or met friends from Hawaii who made it all the way east to work in the nation’s capitol.

Being in DC this time felt particularly satisfying because both my best friend from New York and my boyfriend from San Francisco both came into the city to be with me. An experience is more magical when you get to share it with the ones you love. Together a diverse group of individuals from a range of cities got together to just have fun. Yes, I enjoyed seeing the cherry blossoms, taking snapshots and liquor shots, enjoying delicious brunches and hilarious conversations, but most importantly, I just enjoyed being there with the people that I care about and that they too were able to share with me that little piece of DC that I love.