February. Heart shaped candies, valentine cards, chocolates, cupids, and some might argue, more red decor than even the Christmas season. I spent this past weekend catching up with some great girlfriends and we talked about one of my favorite subjects in the world, love. Being in love, wanting to be in love, and finding someone to love.
Many of my girlfriends possess the "S" factor: sexy, sassy, sweet, and single. While some of them recently got out of long-term relationships and others have been dating on and off, quite a few of them have had a dry spell in the courtship ritual and have expressed a desire to find a leading man, heck even a supporting actor in their lives. All this leads me to ask, is the dating world just a mirage? Has the dating pool dried up?
Growing up in Los Angeles, I always heard it is difficult to date in the city. Everyone drives around in their cars making little room for social interaction. When I moved to DC, the story was more sobering. Professional women outnumber men and many middle aged women in DC expressed the dearth of quality single men in the nation's Capitol. Statistics are not terribly encouraging either. Each year more women graduate from college than men and in some law schools, female students comprise of at least half or more of the graduating classes.
Alas, if the story were to end there, we could just lament over the loss of the "great guy" and accept the reality that he doesn't exist. But the truth is that I also have many single guy friends who have been looking but are having trouble finding a suitable person to share their lives and adventures with. Some may argue that men and women play a different kind of game. I for one am of the belief that women look for love and find the time while men find the time before they look for love.
The modern day conundrum is: How do you provide a dating pool in which these wonderful gals can meet these wonderful guys who are ready for love and everyone can live happily ever after? Growing up enchanted by Disney, even I know that men like Prince Eric don't just appear "under the sea" out of nowhere (and hey, even he fell for Ursula's trap didn't he?). Many folks have tried to use the Internet as a mechanism of love, from dating websites to online personal ads, many have attempted to find love through this online dating catalog. While it has worked for a minority of those who have tried it, more often than not it has led to nothing more than a few dates and a meaningless future. So why do so many people sign up if it doesn't really work? I don't think people sign up expecting to find love, they sign up because they hope they can.
If yellow is the color of 2009, then I say, hope is the word of 2009. Obama used it to win his election but my friends who are in the dating world live by it. It is because of hope that they are willing to entertain meeting that stranger for coffee. It is because of hope they are willing to ask that person out on a date. It is because of hope that they are willing to go on a second date even though the first date only went o.k. And it is because of hope that they are willing to give their relationship just one more try.
I must attest that I haven't been in the dating world for a few years but the tenacious ways my friends fearlessly approach the journey to find love gives me hope in love. It worked for a friend who in his late 30's found his fiancé at a rafting trip. It worked for a friend who in her late 20's found her first boyfriend when she wasn't looking. It worked for a friend who quit her job and moved across the country to be with her boyfriend. Although not at this very moment, I am assured that each of my friends will find the love that they are looking for because they remain hopeful about love.
And so I would conjecture that the dating pool isn't dry, and it isn’t a mirage. It's a matter of treading new waters to find a new love because as long as the dating pool is hopeful it will never be dry. As cheesy as that sounds, love will find a way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"I for one am of the belief that women look for love and find the time while men find the time before they look for love."
ReplyDeleteI think this is so true. Although, I'm finding more and more women, who are career minded, going towards this route. Or, it might also be a defense mechanism, them trying to convince themselves that they have a good reason for being single. who knows. :-P
Where do you fall?
Love will find a way, whether it's through friendship or a committed relationship. I definitely don't think that everyone is meant to be in a couple-type-relationship. I say, as long as you're happy and surrounded by people who loves you.. you're good to go. :-)
However, sometimes, they do come when you least expected.
To add to your story, I met my bf about a month before I turned 31, at events that I would not normally attend, and about 3 months after he moved across the country from New Jersey to LA. So.. you just never know. :-)
anyhoo.. keep bloggin'! :-D
hi betts... here's a pretty interesting chart regarding the ratios of single guys to single girls in different U.S. cities.
ReplyDeletehttp://densetsu.net/chrono/index.php?day=20090127&ent=KE5LCP
i knew there was a reason why i moved to NY! =)